I was busy and focused at work today, hunched over my computer as usual, slaving away. In the background I kept hearing somebody’s cell phone ringing, over and over again. In the back of my mind I thought, Boy, M has sure been away from her desk for a long time. I wonder who keeps trying to call her? But again, I was focused and didn’t think much about it, other than listening to that ringing cell phone got to be a little annoying after a while.
And then I suddenly stiffened up and went OH EFFING SHIT.
I grabbed my iPhone and peered at it and sure enough. It had been MY cell phone ringing, and it was NATE. Only it wasn’t ringing anymore. And it never rang again. (And no, you can’t return calls to boot camp).
The ringer volume was low, and so it sounded like it was coming from a distance away, like a cubicle on the other side of the hallway. Also? I don’t get many calls on my phone and I’m just not familiar with my ring tone. I didn’t recognize it at all.
I have been beating myself up about this all day long. Every time the thought enters my mind I feel like some organ is dislodging from inside my body, you know, like my pancreas or my liver or just maybe MY HEART.
I can’t even blame it on being in a meeting because I wasn’t! That damned phone was sitting on the back counter of my cubicle, ringing and ringing and ringing. Directly behind me.
Sometimes I’m afraid that I may be losing it.
