Home recovering from my Curves workout. Since I've been off work (and got back into going), it's been really easy to attend three times a week (their recommendation). I know that after work, it's harder. I really have to force myself to go, even twice a week. But I do want to continue the habit of it, even though my car really really wants to drive on by the Curves at night and head straight home.
A shower beckons. Then it's off to get my nails done and pick up some salad fixin's at the store. Saturday, Nate and I are heading up to Camano Island for the day to visit my mom (and dad!) and cook a nice dinner. My brother and his family are taking their new camping trailer and staying up there for the whole weekend. The plan was to all go up on Mother's Day (which is also Mom's 70th birthday), but we're going to celebrate this weekend, too. Just in case...
I'd been searching the internet for information about what to expect when kidney dialysis is discontinued, and I couldn't find anything worthwhile. But my brother found this article and it's very informative.
Later ~~ I talked with Mom on the phone today for about an hour and a half. She sounds very chipper and relieved that she's made this decision and has now shared it with everyone. She was concerned that I didn't support her decision, but I assured her that I do. She has always felt strongly that people should have a choice, and besides the ungodly pain she suffers 24/7, she has also lost much of her independence, and that is just unacceptable to her. I understand a little about ungodly pain. In comparison to the duration she has endured it, mine was just a tiny blip of about 8 weeks -- I had a herniated disk and not only did heavy-duty pain medication do NOTHING to give me relief from the sciatica, but I remember feeling frantic and panicky with the pain and knowing that if nothing could be done to alleviate it, I could not live with it. When I say it was as bad as childbirth (24/7 for eight weeks), I am not exaggerating. I swear that my vision during that time was through a red filtered haze. There were times I was nothing more than a feral animal. And poor JDub felt utterly helpless -- he was kind and patient, but I have to marvel that he stuck with me through all that (it was before we were married). It was horrific. I was very fortunate that surgery ultimately relieved it. So I do understand something about pain. (More than many doctors do).
The thing is, I don't deal well with illness, death, and dying. I hate hospitals. Seeing people in pain -- or even in hospital gowns -- makes my stomach queasy. I've always felt a combination of dread and guilt when situations arise, having to fight that desire to fleeeeeeeee. My mom was always the same way. She just hated visiting people in the hospital or nursing homes or whatever. So when I assured her that I was supportive of her decision, I also said, "But it is very hard." She knew exactly what I meant. She said, "I know. And you are your mother's daughter."
